In Search Of Stuff

It’s A BOY!!!

October 18th, 2005 by mike

Mary-Jane “White-hat” Jones-Jenkins and Bob “Black-Hat” Jones Announce Birth of Their Son: Jimmy “Greyhat” Jones-Jenkins-Jones.

After many years of dating, the birth of little Jimmy Jones-Jenkins-Jones, or Grey QuadJ as his parents call him, is the first birth of an SEO grey hat so far.

“With one black hat and one white hat parent, he really had no choice”, QuadJ’s Mother, Mary-Jane said.

But it almost didn’t happen. The classic cyber-tale of bad boy from the wrong C-class of the Internet meets good girl on a white list almost went terribly wrong, with many trying in vain to tear them apart.

“It was a long drawn out love affair”, Mary revealed to ISoS. “At first, I couldn’t get past the fact his hat was so black. Luckily, his heart isn’t.”

“Awwwww”, was the sickening reply of Bob upon hearing this. “Isn’t she the cutest? I may have a black hat, and I may own 50 Porn sites, but I have a big heart and plenty of love to give. I come home to Mary-Jane every night, and she is the cutest damn woman a spammer like me ever lucked out with. And thankfully, I get cheap Viagra online delivered free!”

Bob also openned up to ISoS about how they met online. “It was through a dating site, I am not ashamed to admit. I was running the numbers and noticed that profiles moved regularly, and I thought to myself, ‘If these sad caes can get a date, and stay offline for an average of 2.62 months, a sad, pathetic, lonely single guy living in my mum’s basement like me has a chance’.

“So I put up a profile, it was well funny, as it had like all these quotes from Star Trek Voyager like ‘Will you be Janeaway to my Chakotay? Must prefer Piccard to Kirk. No Klingons’ and the chicks dug it. I got literally reponses. Anyway, one response stuck out like dog’s balls: Mary-Jane’s. I was THRILLED when her email included a keyword rich link, and my first date in 8 years was all systems go.”

Mary-Jane was equally excited. “At first, I was nervous, then excited, then nervous again, before coming full circle and being excited. I was worried about the SEO part, as I wasn’t sure Bob would even know what it was. Luckily, the first night we really hit it off, and when Bob said “Ask Jeeves is way beter than Google”, my heart melted, and I almost broke down and wept.”

It wasn’t all plain sailing though, as Mary-Jane struggled with the guilt of secretly dating a spammer.

“I was scared”, Mary-Jane said, “of what my friends would say. Would I lose my white hat? Would sleeping with the enemy cost me everything? My friends even arranged an MSN messenger Group Chat Intervention. I broke it off with Bob that day.

“But it didn’t last. In the end, love conquers all, and I just didn’t care. As Alexander Pope said: “O type it not, my hand — the name appears
Already typed — wash it out, my tears!
In vain lost Mary-Jane weeps and prays,
Her heart still dictates, and her keyboard obeys.”

“I was a fool for Bob the instant I met him, and Whitehatistan and all the White hat interventions couldn’t convince me otherwise. ”

It was happy days from then, and with the birth of their first son, both have mellowed, and the fights and anger at home have subsided, as both leave behind deep seated views about Search, and move onto more important things.

“In the end”, Mary-Jane said, “it is just a hat. I respect Bob for all the hard work he does creating auto filler pages, time, and time again as they are banned…”

“And I respect Mary-Jane for all the work she does making a better Net and dealing with Clients. I could never do that. We really just agree to disagree, and argue about more important things…”

“Like which Star Trek is better”, Mary-Jane reponds, adding “And how to live long and prosper.” To which Bob and Mary-Jane end up ROFLing.

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Entry Filed under: Mike's Ramblings, Community Announcements