Posts filed under 'Mike's Ramblings'
Bimbino - A young girl who dresses like a $2 hooker and, despite a solid IQ, projects the mental power of, like, such a halfwit. Bimbinos usually go one of two ways: they see the error of their ways and grow into useful adults, or they graduate to fill Bimbo status.
hypoironicasm - The incorrect use of “ironic”, “sarcasm” and /or “hypocrisy”. This is sometimes an outright misuse (e.g. “isn’t it ironic that you like cheese and I like dogs?”), and sometimes takes the form of substituting one for tother (e.g. “I love death.” “No you don’t” “I was being ironic”.)
anagramification - The purposeful creation of pointless anagrams to describe whatever one off concept the author is presenting in a vane attempt to make the issue seem much more grand and important. The ultimate anagramification is to TLAify a term. Extra geek browny points are awarded for either using the first letter from a previous anagram (see SSE), recursion (see GNU) or, for the truly adventurous, both (see GCJ).
TLAify - to make a term a three letter acronym, e.g. oddly enough TLA.
Toadification - The process of moving from productive forum member to narky, nasty, out to disrupt the forum member.
Toadicise - The attempt to rid a toad of the foul and evil influences that cause their toadiness.
Toadacism - The banning of a toad, thus cleansing a forum of an evil member.
toadervention - An group IM attempt to make a toad see reason, and change their evil ways. The online version of an intervention.
Forumdemon - a forum member that attempts to corrupt other members into becoming a toad.
Cloud chill factor (TLAifiied to CCF) - the effect created when the weather is at that temperature whereby when the sun is out, you sweat, and when it goes behind a cloud, you freeze and need to put a jumper on. Jumper on, jumper off, Jumper on, jumper off – it’s no wonder people get sick!
clotherobics - The upper body workout you get taking off a jumper and putting it back on when the weather changes quickly due to the Cloud chill factor.
wordificate - making up words in an attempt to be funny, and a vain attempt to convince people that the blog isn’t dead, and that I haven’t run out of ideas (although when I had the idea for bimbino I almost wet my pants. There are just so many young women like that today, and the world really does need that word!).
April 28th, 2006
Sometimes, a brilliant and insightful idea is ditched because of “creative differences” between me, myself and occasionally Scottie. I relented to myself on this one, but have regretted it ever since. That is why I am releasing a “Director’s Cut” version of the classic post: “Keyword Density Of Sandbox Articles Apparently Proportional To Density Of Authors“.
Compare and see which one you, our ever growing number of quasi-interested readers, prefer. isos: taking vanity blogs to a whole nuther level!
——————————————————————————————————–
UPONG, in a continuation of their stated goal of doing cutting edge SEO market research and intelligence to provide more of the research
UPONG members couldn’t be arsed doing for a public that couldn’t care less, has revealed the first extensive study into articles on the so called Google Sandbox phenomenon.
| Overall Issues |
Score |
| Average Originality of thought |
2.67 |
| Average Deviation From Norm |
0.34 |
| Average Reading Age of Articles: |
8.47 |
| Statistical validity of Theories |
3.42% |
“So many articles are written on this contentious issue”, El Presidente Michael said. “and we at UPONG felt that, while the world didn’t need Yet Another Sandbox Theory (YAST for short), it sure as s#$@ needed an analysis of all the so called analysis. And I think you will agree, the results are shocking. ”
The fictional study, utilising cutting edge imaginary tools that analyse the form, structure and original content of articles, including running the articles through anti-plagiarism software and word matrix generators, the UPONG survey, titled “The Industry With One Brain And Far Too Much Bandwidth”, unveiled shocking trends.
“Unbelievably”, Michael said, “the average originality of thought is so low as to be almost non-existent. The plagiarism algorithms that we ran the articles through showed a strong likelihood of plagiarism in close to 98% of all articles. At first, we put this down to syndication or perhaps a few DMCA violations, but this proved incorrect, as despite their similarity, all articles were original, in so far as being new piece’s of writing. It was just that there was just a complete and utter lack of virtually any original thought.”
What the UPONG also found was a strong correlation in teh use of specific words and types of words. “The patented UPONG Bullshit-o-meter™, a tool we pioneered to detect and out peddlers of BS, man, that tool was flashin’ its lil red light Hollywood B-grade movie access denied style all night long.” .
| Bullshit-o-meter™ Statistical Analysis |
| Term |
OF |
KWD |
| Specific Terms |
| Sandbox |
100.00% |
8.00% |
| Google |
100.00% |
6.00% |
| TrustRank |
83.63% |
4.00% |
| DMOZ |
67.43% |
1.00% |
| Aging delay |
47.63% |
0.76% |
| BS Indicator Terms |
| Proven |
99.76% |
2.65% |
| Unknown |
0.00% |
0.00% |
| Possibly / Possible |
0.00% |
0.00% |
| Absolute |
90.83% |
2.06% |
| comprehensive research |
12.89% |
2.06% |
| Commercial Indicator Terms |
| Free |
67.08% |
2.06% |
| eBook report |
18.49% |
1.86% |
The Bullshit-o-meter™ was going nuts because its statistical analysis of words known to be frequently utilised by scamsters, as well as common phrasings and exaggerated claims, encountered many irregularities.
“Looking at the data”, Michael continued, “you will see that several terms are overused, many others are hideously under-used, and some that should have been present simply were not used at all.”
Particularly surprising, according to UPONG’s press release, was the almost complete lack of doubt, or almost anything that was less than absolute certainty.
“No one used the word ‘possible’ / ‘possibly’. Amazing. A theory without the word ‘possible’ is like a fat man sans man boobs. Unheard of! Either the SEO community has no idea how to do research or present ideas, or they are so advanced in their reverse engineering that issues such as detailed research and doubt are simply superfluous. Whatever it is, that level of confidence has to be admired, if nothing else!”
This research has, however, lead to a several criticisms, including a stinging rebuttal from vocal UPONG critique and isos regular Michael Motherwell.
“It is like I said to myself when I hatched this idea”, chief UPONG critique Michael Motherwell commented. “Fictional research debunking crap articles that itself employs no research is a very poor basis for an article, even if it is supreme irony. And those tables, they are just sooooo bland and lack creativity and flair. They just scream Web 1.0!
“IMHO, to make this idea funny, the least UPONG needed to do was research, for two seconds, some complicated terms related to Information Retrieval (IR for those in the know). That would at least have given the gag some weight.
“That is not to say that the central theme isn’t still a good one. Not at all. The idea that all these sandbox theory articles are just snake oil sold by used car salesmen who flunked their bar exam is extremely valid, and this director’s cut proves that isos innovate in ways even I struggle to keep up with, straddling that fine line between pure genius and total insanity.
“It is just that the execution here is just far too lazy and sloppy, and the lack of cutting edge terms that mean nothing but are real is hardly made up for with a stupid radar graph.
“And this final self critique! My God that is such a lazy way to make sure people got the gag, especially when no-one seemed to struggle first time round.
“So, for all these reasons, I will have to judge this the single worst isos mock-u-post so far, providing yet more evidence, following those lame Jeeves songs, that isos has well and truly, without doubt, jumped the shark, and that the heady days of the Trapezoidal Linking Matriflx™ and Netherworld Suite are but a fading memory of a brief period in which isos was almost readable. ”
“Very, very poor work indeed.”
April 6th, 2006
Recently, it has become blindingly apparent that certain people don’t “get” the effervescent comedic brilliance that is your average, run of the mill isos post, let alone the really weird ones.
At first, I thought, “No way. How could Maggie have shot Mr Burns? Her hands are way too small.”
Then I remembered that I was actually thinking about isos and the problem of the joke going “over” people’s heads and my whole demeanour changed.
“How can people not get this is meant to be funny?” I said to my lil’ silky Sassy, who has, until this point in time, failed to ever respond to my questions. (Unlike that annoying cat I had who was obsessed with Foucault, and which I gave away on my therapist’s recommendation so I could “begin to heal”.)
Sassy, a non-speaker |
|
“I mean really, Trapezoidal Linking Matriflux™? Sassy, who would call a product that? Sassy, stop peeing on the rug.”
And then that fine fellow Quadrille (real name Andy) over at IHY said something truly profound. He said, oh wait, lets not paraphrase here, this sort of brilliance deserves direct quoting:
“Reread it (the “it” referred to here is this very blog, oh my droogies), with someone standing close by saying “laugh now” every ten seconds.”
“Eureka!” I cried in the shower (several hours later. ) “That is exactly what isos needs: a laugh track.” And so I inserted one. That is the laugh you should be hearing right about now.
(Editor’s Notes: Due to complaints, laugh trak now removed. Some people I tells ya…)
And you know what? Andy was right. It is helpful. Sometimes, even *I’m* not sure if that sentence was an intentional joke or just a real lucky missplel.
And it gets better, as Andy was even more right than he knew. isos posts average about 300 words, and at the US mean reading speed of about 300 words per minute, and an average of 6 jokes per article, that equates to a joke every, wait, hold on, don’t tell me or I’ll never learn… 300 / 300, equals one minute, a minute has 60 seconds, 60 divided by 6, yeh, a joke every ten seconds.
So, isosileans (that is as of now, officially the name for the gorgeous people that read this blog, and I mean you, Torka) you now have a laugh track located on the right side just under the ProjectPHP Insultometer™ that you can play every time you are stuck wondering “is that story about the Christian site that redirected to porn really true?”
Thanx Andy, I owe you a beer!
March 30th, 2006
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