1. serperated - Waking up and finding that you have been seperated from a good spot on a SERP.
2. slinkage - trying to sneak in a link clandenstinely.
3. submiceleration- submitting the same page to the search engines over and over, hoping it will raise the pages’ rankings
4. forumortalised - Writing a foum post that everyone remembers and points to.
5. guruesome - Someone who thinks they are a guru, but really are a gruesome, detestable human being.
6. IBLTINRAIFASIPCB - In Bound Link That Is Not Reciprocal And Is From A Seperate IP C Block.
7. NoSense - A person that hopes to make money without trying, most likely using AdSense.
8. FactSEOid - An SEO belief held to be true, irrespective of evidence or a definition.
9. SEMYTH (pronounced s-ah-myth) - an SEM myth perpetuated via Chinese Wispers.
10. Linkfuscate - to hide a link and hope that it counts for Link pop.
11. Great White Sandbox Hope - A mythical strategy that is claimed when put into practice, to help a site avoid the Sandbox, and therefore make Brazillians of dollars and enable the dreamer to buy a Ferrari, date a super model and generally have the life they deep down know they are destined never to lead, especially not whilst they live with mum and dad.
12. Raiders of the Lost Blog - People that use blog submitting software targeted to abandoned blogs
January 26th, 2006
In further proof of the mainstream growth of SEO, Santa, speaking via webcast from his new ADSL 2.0 connection in the Arctic, has revealed exclusively to isos some of the SEO requests little children of all those Mom & pop sites we hear so much about have sent to him.
“The little kiddies really are hilarious.”, Santa said. “Last year, they all wanted one number one ranking for a ‘Prime Keyword term’, but this year it seems that the message has got through, and the kiddies are asking for more specific terms, and more of them, better conversion rates and improved ROI.”
Santa, in an isos exclusive, has provided us with a sample of the letters he has received this year:
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Dear Santa
Please send Daddy 100 new anonymous proxies for Christmas.
Love- Amy “Black Hat” Ames
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Dear Amy,
Anonymous proxies are useful aren’t they? Uunbeknownst to many, Santa’s little elves have been busy laying fibre optic cable in the North Pole this year. The reindeer are quite upset, because flying with cable attached to the sleigh is hard work. Rudolf almost quit, and the reindeer union is in a bitter battle with the Telecommunication union and the Elvish Union over who has jurisdiction and it all got terribly messy. But never mind, cause now Santa can give all the little Black Hat boys and girls Mommy & Daddies all the anonymous proxies they could ever ask for.
PS: the full list will be in the card that comes with the Gift you really want. No peeking though, or it won’t be the Pony you really wanted.
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Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is my dad to get back his number one ranking for “miniature light rail models london” so that he can spend some time with us, instead of on the forums all day long obsessing.
Thanx,
Spike Spencer
PS, if I could have a pre-launch Playstation 3 with the optional Linux kit, keyboard and hard drive as well, that would be nice.
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Dear Spike.
Ho Ho Ho, Merry Xmas. So daddy isn’t spending time with you eh? Santa isn’t sure that will actually be solved by a ranking, but it isn’t Santa’s job to judge, so consider it done.
Love,
Santa.
PS Those @%#$ @ Sony hate Santa, and won’t even let him have a pre-release Playstation 3. I am very upset, cause I think Cell is the chip of the future, especially now that floating point calculations are more important than integer operations.
Oh, and the elves! If I hear one more request for a Playstation 3 from those irritating little Hobbit wannabes I am going to scream. So sorry, but no can do on the Playstation3. How about an X-Box 360 instead?
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Dear Santa,
Please send Daddy 100 free links with the words “cheap tickets major events’ as the anchor text, all from PageRank 4 or higher pages with less than 12 outbounds on the page, without nofollow attributes, tracking or redirection and all on .edu or ,org sites. Daddy says that is the only way I can get a Puppy for my Birthday next year.
Love,
Simon Simonsen
———————–
Dear Simon,
Kid, Santa is good, but he ain’t that good. Will you settle for a link from Santa’s own home page, currently a PageRank of 8, as well as my 6 elve’s sites (mostly 4 and above) as well as Rudolph’s site, which is currently a 9 or ten, depending upon the datacenter?
All these sites are good, well trusted authorities, so Santa feels this is a really good deal, and much easier than conning a bunch of .edu sites into doing something they will take away in the New Year anyway.
I hope that is good enough!
PS, hope you get that puppy. Puppies are fun. Santa has had a few, but most are so freaked out by Rudolph’s red nose they run away and never come back. Santa was really sad the year Tiger ran away. He was a Shi Tzu, and Mrs Clause really loved him as well. Stupid Rudolph, I almost had him dog meated over that!
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Dear Santa,
I am appalled at your attitude to weight. I believe you are a heart attack waiting to happen, and a very poor role model for youth who already lead a slothful existence chained to a chair by a growing culture of computers and digital media. My debate team and I also feel that, as a fictional character, your offer of fleeting rankings, crappy corporate consumerism presents and false hope to Mom & Pop sites is an indictment on our the current state of denial griping our planet, and that you should be removed from our cultural lexicon and replaced with a more appropriate figure, such as Santa Ghandi.
What I and the Affirmative humbly ask for Xmas is for you to lose some weight, lose the beard, stop exploiting the “little people” you work with and for you to start championing causes that really matter, like Nuclear non-proliferation, getting the Kyoto protocol ratified and help stop the spread of globalisation and exploitation of the third world by rich, 1st world countries and ensuring that hate sites never again rank well on major Search Engines for terms like “jew” and “holocaust”.
Cordially,
Sarah ‘Concerned’ Smith.
———————–
Dear Sarah,
Ah, um…. Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas! That seems like a lot of work. How about a pony instead?
Love Santa
December 15th, 2005
Recently, ISoS has come under heavy criticism in some parts for our style, our content and our goals… or lack thereof, depending upon your perspective. People have even gone so far as to call this a “stupid blog”.
At first, we thought it was some new slang saying what the kids use to describe stuff they really like. You know, like dope, sick or “F&^%ed Up”. We thought “totally stupid” was the new “fully sick”. Alas, after heavily Googling “stupid” and calling a niece in the suspect demographic, we were informed that, alas, stupid is indeed an insult 
See, the thing is, it just isn’t our fault. Both Scottie and Michael have been really distracted this week by their own personal tragedies. Scottie has like this broken nail, and a paper cut as well. Yeh, a real bad, nasty one… On the same finger as the broken nail! Makes typing super hard.
And Michael has, like, this really bad case of “hair band caught in ponytail”itis. REAL bad. It is like a war zone in there. You don’t know where hair ends and hair band begins!!!!! He took it to a hairdresser and the poor girl broke down in tears crying “I can’t save it, I just can’t” before storming out all flustered.
So, what with the sore fingers and the bad hair and the effort to extricate said hair band from hair, we can’t be held accountable for the quality of posts. I mean, when you have to worry about a twisted hair band or a sore typing finger, you can’t be expected to be on top of everything, and the odd mistake creeps in.
Heck, Scottie hasn’t typed an “s” in days, and you just try writing an article about SEO without using the letter “S”.
We would have posted something funny and informative about this earlier, but we have just been distracted, and every time we started, our problems just got worse and worse.
Again, ISoS are getting better, and we hope, once this round of tragedies is over, that we can post better stuff.
October 20th, 2005
