Note To Self And World:

Never, Ever, Cross Scottie…

…as this dude that copied her CSS just found out!!!!

‘Nuff said!

2 comments April 6th, 2006

New SEO Movies And TV Shows Due Out This Season

Brokeback SEO
Storyline: Late one cold night, two male SEOs on IM suddenly embrace when one accidentally sends the wrong emoticon.
Notable Quote: “I wish I could quit your spam ring”.

SEO Fiction
Storyline: An ensemble cast of SEOs living life on the hard side of the web experience all manner of hijinx.
Notable Quote:
“Do you know what they call link farms in France?”.
“They Don’t call it a link farm?”
“No, they call it Le Farm de Link”.

Indecent Proposal
Storyline: A whitehat SEO blog aimed at Christians is offered one million dollars to redirect traffic to a pr0n site.

A Clockwork SEO
Storyline: A black hat SEO is punished for his sins that are as bad as robberring a bank, by being subjected to images of bad SERPs.
Notable Quote:
“Not Search Engine Watch. What did Danny Sullivan ever do to anyone?”

Back to The Future
Storyline: A group of failed web developers get together and decide to call themselves SEOs, utilising 1999 tactics, and releasing articles about “Alta Vista” and the keywords meta tag.

Dr. SEO or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Spam
Storyline: A doomsday SEO plots the end of Search Engines forever, with so much spam they can never recover.
Notable Quote:
“We call this SEO strategy: doomsday”.

Lost in Translation
Storyline: An SEO attempts to move to a lucrative expanding Asian market, where he finds himself lost in a culture he can’t understand.
Notable For: A final IM scene in which our hero sends an unseen IM to the love interest.

Almost Famous
Storyline: A story about a group of forum groupies that are all trying to make a name for themselves by sucking up to their idols, and starting a hate site about a well known SEO.
Notable For: The scene where they all turn on each other, and everyone starts a hate site about everyone else.

12 Angry SEOs
Storyline: A group of disparate SEOs get together to decide if a site is spam. There various histories come into play in this touching and griping portrayal of life and the trial and prejudices we all carry.
Notable Quote:
Juror #3: What do you mean you want to try it? Why didn’t he bring it up in his post if it’s so important?
Juror #5: Well, maybe he just didn’t think of it huh?
Juror #10: What do you mean didn’t think of it? Do you think the man’s an idiot or something? It’s an obvious thing.
Juror #5: Did you think of it?
Juror #10: Listen smart guy, it don’t matter whether I thought of it. He didn’t bring it up because he knew it would hurt his case. What do you think of that?
Juror #8: Maybe he didn’t bring it up because it would of meant bullying and badgering an open source advocate who hates Microsoft. You know that doesn’t sit well with an internet intent on flaming, and most posters would avoid it if they could.

TV Shows

The Real World- SEO House
Storyline:A wildly disparate group of SEO’s is unknowingly lured to a house and locked in with 20 webcams and 1 Internet connection. Love, drama, tragedy…
Notable Quote:
“Whose hat is that floating in the toilet, and what colour is it anyway?”

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Storyline: SEO’s compete to win a million dollars by answering questions on SEO myths and lore. Hosted by Matt Cutts.
Notable Quote:
“Is that your final submission, or would you like to IM a friend or Google it?”

4 comments February 28th, 2006

Slow Humour Day Forces isos To Point Out Past Humour

Ok, we are out.

Of ideas that is. The closet is in no danger, I assure you. I don’t care if Brokeback Mountain and Queer Eye For The Straight Guy’s number one box office / ratings are proving that society’s acceptance is growing, ok?

In any case, we are out of ideas. It is getting so desperate, we are forced to fall back on that oldest of old TV tricks: the flashback episode. Not only are they cheap and easy to put together, but they are a totally lame way to point out past hilarity. I guess we could sell this as “proving that isos has come far enough to be considered to have a Back catalogue”, but that wouldn’t be our style.

And we won’t fob this off as a “Halloween Special” or “Encore Presentation” either. Nope, it is a lame idea executed in the lame fashion which our our six readers (especially Torka) have come to expect from isos.

Scottie: So Mike, I remember starting isos well. After over 10 posts and at least three laughs, do you have a favorite isos moment?

Mike: Ah, there are so many moments that snuck slightly above banal it is almost impossibly hard to choose. But if I had to choose one, I would have to say I remember the 404 error handling page with immense fondness. Searching for lightbulb jokes is a great way to avoid doing one’s taxes and, to be honest, a post like this is the ideal time to point people towards it. I spent a good 8 minutes on that, and I bet even the most loyal isos readers (especially Torka), haven’t even seen it. It is pure, unadulterated quality, and don’t anyone try to tell me that feminist, Dianic, Wiccan, lesbian jokes don’t kill! No one!!!

Scottie: Mike, exactly how much further do you have to push it before you start getting hate mail? (You know you haven’t “arrived” until you have stalkers…) Surely there are people out there with no sense of humor who take your silly stories very seriously… I can’t believe you don’t have a single death threat…

Mike: Well Scottie, hate mail has, unfortunately, been rather light on the ground. I think perhaps we have to start naming names, and really up the ante on this whole endeavour.

Scottie: Well, you certainly don’t know how to use Springer Marketing very well if you can’t get some nasty comments… The road to fame is paved with fights, drama, and unsubstantiated accusations. Haven’t you learned anything?

Mike: Alas, no. But Scottie, enough of me, surely you must have a favourite moment from the isos vaults you would like to share it with us.

Scottie: I think the link-building by commiting crimes was brilliant and original. You don’t find many people willing to make that sort of commitment to linking, but for the ones who do, they payoff is incalculable! And, it’s not as final as the sslb program, but can be even more effective, depending on the crime. And who doesn’t enjoy a good crime against a celebrity?

Mike: Or the government? People love those, and they often come with the added benefit of financial page links that usually so hard to get.

Scottie: It all comes down to planning, Mike. Even when you are off-the-wall, you have to find the crime with the most potential for wide ranging links. Knocking over the corner convenience store just doesn’t have the staying power that stalking and threatening Kate Moss has… and if you can actually throw something at her… pure gold.

Mike: Or perhaps water pistol Heath Ledger. No real damage, and links galore!

Scottie: Well, remember, if there was no real danger in the first place, the links will be short lived. You want the potential damage discussed for months, even years to come… like people who almost shoot the president. That’s not just linking, it’s making history.

Mike: So what about our newest Blog contributor Santa. Has the Old Coot lived up to what was expected?

Scottie: Santa did an excellent job with his correspondance on the state of Christmas wishes. That’s a classic we’ll want to revisit every year!

Mike: I worry about that though. He seems to only ever work one day a year, so perhaps more than that is expecting too much?

Scottie: One day! My god, man, do you think all of Christmas happens in a day? He does PR work year round, not to mention the elf-uprisings that he has to handle… As busy as he is, I’m thrilled he found the time to share some of his frustrations with us at isos. Our 6 readers appreciated it as well. At least, no one flamed him… (which I can’t say for the Johnsons, who forgot to douse the fire in the fireplace… but that’s a story he can tell us next year.)

Mike: I think, at this point, whilst we are patting ourselves on the back and acting all important and stuff, that we also should point out our superb and excellent range of tools

Mike: The 100% accurate Keyword Resaerch tool.

Mike: The hillarious search function.

Mike: And the Ego-Boosting polls (top right) that never seem to get many votes, but the votes they do always somehow manage to be anything but ego-boosting. We really should stop putting in a last option that is so nasty.

Scottie: Well, I’m most impressed with the tools and I think the Complaint form is very effective. People who don’t click all the links miss out on some of the funniest parts of the site! No simple function has gotten away from Mike’s notice…. everything is booby-trapped and wrapped in a subtle or not-so-subtle joke.

Mike: Like the footer!

Scottie: Exactly! “This Blog is bought to you by the letters “S”, “E”, “O” and “M”, and by the number “$0″. Subtle…

Mike: I have really enjoyed our trip down memory lane Scottie, and I hope, next time we run low on ontopic hillarity, we can do another Flashback special.

Scottie: Hey- next time we run out of topics, you’d better believe we’ll be right back here, rehashing the old stuff that we have to live up to.

Mike: And so, that wraps up the isos flashback special folks. We hope you enjoyed the walk down memory lane. Any last comments Scottie?

Scottie: Yep. I want to tell all 6 of our readers (especially Torka) folks, don’t miss next week’s “flashback on things we didn’t write” special. It’s sure to be a real crowd-pleaser!

3 comments February 2nd, 2006