Here at isos, we’ve been ruminating about how to contribute to the growth of online marketing. There have been plenty of fancy studies done that demonstrate the financial advantages of search marketing for branding, visibility, usability and reputation management. We’ve put up a pretty business-savvy front to woo the affections of marketing managers of small, medium, large and ultrasuperüber large enterprises. So what’s the next step? How do we grab more attention?
Come on people, we work online. We know what gets those eyes onto a page. It’s sex, of course. And with that in mind, isos, in conjunction with UPONG (a pretty sexy concept, if you ask me) and inspired by that Justin Hikingboot person, hereby announce that 2007 will be the year that we bring Sexy back to Search.
No more white hat/black hat nonsense. Hats aren’t sexy unless there’s a sexy head in them, and let’s be frank — very few of us have sexy heads. Maybe if we washed our hair now and then… but that’s asking rather a lot, I’d say. From this moment on, we will proudly and provocatively identify ourselves and our professional methodology by the color of our thongs. And at conferences, we will be sure to pull them up on our hips so that their color is visible to anyone checking us out.
And “organic” SEO? It’s a pleasant thought, I suppose, but it’s not very accurate. What’s organic about a search engine’s algorithm? Nothing, that’s what. And besides, the concept of organic SEO makes me think of geeks in overalls and straw hats spreading manure all over their computers. That’s not the picture we want to promote. When I think of getting that top spot on a SERP, I think of something quite a bit more pleasurable, so henceforth, the term “organic SEO” is to be replaced with “orgasmic SEX”.
We’re not pretending that this will be easy. Obviously, we’re putting ourselves into direct competition with people who’ve been using this terminology for a long time. But the benefits are just too much to pass up, and I know we can succeed.
We don’t need surveys of marketing managers. We don’t need ROI statistics. What we need is video of Paris Hilton saying something like “Search marketing… that’s hot.”
isos is proud to annoucne that we haev won teh prestiogious UPONG Worst Proof Read And Spell Cheked SEM Blog: 2006 award.
“I would like to thank all teh people that made it possible”, prime isos contributor and chief spellign mistake maker Michael Motherwell said. “OK, mostly it is just me, I’kll admit, but still, a lot of pple had a hand in this.
“Firstly, I’d like to thank my Father, who is perhaps the worst spelleriser I haev ever met. I think his ratio of right to wrong is only slightly better than mine, and hsi grammar is truly a thing of wonder.
“Secondly, my mother, an English teacher whose excellence gave me all teh excuse I needed not to excel at Grammar and spellign, as I could always say ‘I will never be as good as mum”.
What ahs made the award all the more impressive is that in late 2005, isos actually installed a spell checker. Despite this fact, teh spellign mistakes and poor grammar have not only contniued unabated, but have actually worsenned.
“Nothing can make me spell better”, Mr Motherwell said. “I am rather fond of ’stream of conciousness’ posting, and if the price of such outstanding work as the Trapezoidal Linking Matriflux™, a misspelling of matrix and trapezoid, is a poorly proof read and misspellings galore, then that is a price I am willing, nay compeeled, to pay.”
Other isos contributors were unavailable for comment on this award, out of a sense of shame one assumes, and this post has not been proof reAZd or spell checked to avoid being labelled hypocritical.
UPONG Treasurer Sarah Emma O’Guru today issued an official statement that states “Danny Sullivan is not joining UPONG as president any time soon.”
“Look, it’s true”, Ms O’Guru said. “It’s very, very true that Danny will shortly be departing the world of suits and seriousness, and is choosing a life that will allow for underpants to be worn or, should he so choose, nakedness. However, we can assure you that UPONG has no intention of selling out to a “turn-in-coater”, the UPONG name for those that abandon suits for their undies, and appointing him a position.
“In UPONG’s opinion, an executive level position with UPONG should be given to a “lifer”, who is dedicated to the lifestyle and its ideals for the long term, not some Johny-come-lately-underdressed, no matter how impecable the credentials.
“UPONG dutifully request that the rampant internet speculation linking Mr Sullivan to a UPONG takeover be stopped forcewith, or we will be forced to pursue legal action.”
