We all know about linkbait. Most of us are well aware of drinkbait, and if you know drinkbait, you probably know hatbait. Now that more than half a year has passed, we feel sufficiently distant from any threat of an IP lawsuit, and with just a couple of days before the fun and excitement begins at SES San Jose, we wanted to let you know about all the excitingly viral (and virally exciting) programs awaiting you. I won’t be there (because, I have to admit, I don’t know the way there –ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba), but I’m counting on your participation so that I can get my vicarious kicks.
Stinkbait
A special team of revelers will be reveling an awful lot, and not washing. If you can stand to be in their presence long enough to have your picture taken with them (no holding your nose!) we’ll post the pic of your lovely grimace.
Shrinkbait
We’ll be taking over a major SEM firm’s booth (probably without telling them) and transforming it into a psychiatrist’s office. You will be videotaped telling our therapist about how messed up your childhood was. C’mon, you’re a geek. We know you’re neurotic as hell.
Blinkbait
Search marketing staring contests! Need we say more?
Lincbait
Whether you’re old enough to remember the Mod Squad or not (the stupid movie doesn’t count), you’ll pay tribute to Clarence Williams III’s immortal character Lincoln Hayes by donning a rather large afro wig and saying “Solid”. Why? Because Linc was cool, that’s why.
Syncbait
Can you channel Dionne Warwick and lip sync to the most famous song about San Jose? Actually, I think it’s the only song about San Jose. I mean, it ain’t San Francisco.
Frinkbait
Put on the lab coat, the bow tie, the coke bottle glasses and the buck teeth (bring your own if you’re squeamish about germs) and explain your choice of search engine patents in the voice of the famed professor. Glaben.
Inkbait
Got a tattoo? Oooh. Aren’t you cool and hip and with it. How about this: have you got a search-related tattoo — your firm’s logo (Nike execs do it, so why haven’t you?), your favorite search engine, the image of your favorite celeb-o’-search…. Vanessa Fox in some state of undress, perhaps? I know somebody out there just has to have a Matt Cutts tat. No? Would you like to get one?
All this and more await you in beautiful San Jose. And if you participate in all of these exciting activities, we might even link to you.
Okay. The secret to successful SEO blogging is hiring a cute girl to do your bidding. To attract an audience you need a young, snarky female, preferably dark-haired (time to conform, Rhea!), to amuse and bewilder the masses. Let them cover the industry, injecting the news with a healthy dose of sarcasm, and the predominantly male industry will Eat. It. Up. In return, you’ll get instant street cred, soften up that I’m-all-about-work persona, and you’ll be put on the V.I.P. list for all the hip Google parties.
It’s genius, right?
Yer damn skippy, it’s genius.
The problem is, I think Scottie or Torka would slap me silly if I suggested either of them take on this role, so (gulp) I’m going to do it myself. Henceforth, I am your new sexy-but-approachable, smart-n-sarcastic, sassy-slash-savvy web babe. A “webabe,” if you will. If Mike ever gets off that tiny continent of his, he can join in the fun too.
At the next Google party, I’ll be the one in the go-go cage shimmying up a storm in my frilly fringe miniskirt.
Just one thing, though: I’m not shaving the beard. Deal. With. It.
We here at isos haven’t failed to notice the growth of an exciting new trend in online marketing: everyone’s gaga for social bookmarking, and every guru has their own sage advice for folks who want to show up at del.icio.us/popular, appear on the front page at digg, be part of BuzzFeed’s latest buzz, or get dugg and dugg again to achieve that fabulous digg effect.
Most of that advice involves writing snappy blog posts with titles like “How to Get Dugg” — either that, or publishing a top 10 list. Often, the “how to get dugg” posts will include a piece of advice like “publish a top 10 list.”
But with all those top 10s out there, how do you separate the wheat 10 from the chaff 10? With that in mind, isos is proud to announce a call for nominations of top 10 lists from the search marketing world in order to determine the top 10 search top 10 lists of all time.
Tell us about that top 10 list of your own that makes you puff up with pride every time you see it in your server logs. Tell us about that top 10 that changed your perspective on your work, your life and your relationships, or the top 10 that showed you how to make the serious cash money. Yes, be sure to tell us about that one. UPONG membership doesn’t pay for itself, you know.
You can submit by email or in the comments of this post. Winners will be given an honored position in the In Search Of Stuff Top 10 Top 10 Lists of Search list and will of course also receive plenty of warm link love.
