In Search Of Stuff

Another UPONG 1st: Release of SEM Standards

April 13th, 2008 by mike

In yet another SEM industry leading move, UPONG has released the final copy of there ambivalently anticipated and quasi-interesting Standards.

“All members will be held to this far reaching and historic document”, acting head seo_master_77 told isos. “and If they don’t, we’ll not only kick the %$#%$#ers out, but publically humilate them at every oportunity. We gots us some principles!”

Preamble

The thought of anything as useless and obfuscating as a preamble is detestable to UPONG.

U-Whoo?

The Underpanters Professional And Openly Naked Guild (UPONG) is an organisation for people who prefer to work, not get dressed up. UPONG members are renowned for their cutting edge results, knowledge and research, not their fashion choices, Fabio.

Truth

1. We will perform all SEO and SEM tasks either fully naked or in a state of undress dictated only by weather and not social convention.
2. I will wear a suit only if someone who either contributed to, shares, was made from or helped make someone from my DNA dies.
3. We will live by the UPONG motto that professionalism === results, professionalism != looks.
4. We will work twice as hard as someone who looks three times as good, and produce four times the results.
5. We will work to improve skills, knowledge and talents, not the ability to BS.
6. We will not drink the 9-5 Koolaid - if we wanna work til 3 am, we will.
7. We will only use avatars that are of some obscure pop-culture reference that only truly worthy ppl will grasp.

Respect

1. We will provde all clients with the ultimate sign of respect: 100% honesty aye.
2. We will treat all collegues with repect, but reserve the right to refer to them as “marketing people” only in public, and use only four letter words to describe them in private.
3. We will not tolerate fools willingly or, if they refuse to learn, at all.

Responsibility

1. We are responsible to our clients, and will provide full, frank and honest advice, and will not claim knowledge we don’t have.
2. We will constantly learn and educate ourselves by reading as wide as possible from sources that have a history of knowing their shit, who are interested in teaching and learnign and not raising their profile in a sort of public ego masturbation.
3. We will do all we can to re-educate those who lack the clarity of thought to understand that this shit works.

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