In Search Of Stuff

SEO, PPC and the Science of Baking Rocket Cakes

January 28th, 2007 by qwerty

We hear that some big shot at a PPC company is claiming that SEO is more like baking a cake than rocket science. Personally, we at isos never thought it was like either of them, but if this “Pastaneck” (is that really his name??) person insists, we figure it’s worth exploring.

How is SEO like rocket science? Erm… it isn’t. Rocket science deals with calculations like Tsiolkovsky’s rocket equation:

I guess Pastaneck has a point there. That doesn’t look like any Google patents I’m aware of. But considering NASA’s record of late, even the rocket scientists seem to have forgotten that rocket science is rocket science, so you can’t expect something that isn’t rocket science to be rocket science. That just doesn’t make sense, Mr Macaroni Person.

How is SEO like baking a cake? Well, it’s important to fully cream your butter before gently folding in the flour… No, I’m afraid that doesn’t work either. Sorry Noodles, but SEO is not like baking a cake.

So let’s examine what Noodles’ company does. Is PPC like rocket science? Of course not. Is it like baking a cake? No, I don’t think so. So what is it like? Well, I think it’s notable that two-thirds of PPC is pee pee. Draw your own conclusions.

Have you seen the memo that was leaked by a disgruntled former employee of Noodles’ company?

To: All Account Managers
From: The Flying Spaghetti Monster
Urgent: Increase ad spend on all clients by 35% immediately. I’ve got a balloon payment due on my place in the Hamptons in a couple of weeks.

Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it? Imagine how much it would make you think if it were real.

While you’re thinking, think about this: If he thinks SEO is so easy, that might explain why he thinks he can beat all the SEOs competing to rank on his name by the use of practically duplicate content. Oh yeah, love that hyphenated file name. That’ll make all the difference in the world, Noodles.

And if PPC is so great, why does he need a second job cooking fish?

I suppose it’s odd to say that I’ve been struck by Pasternack’s empathy for fish, given his recurring role in their demise, but he nevertheless seems intent upon doing honor to the deceased, characteristically by doing no more than necessary to evoke essential flavors and unembellished subtleties. Not that he’s unwilling to call a fish a fish. One day, as I watched him reduce an eight-pound mahi-mahi to about thirty bites of crudo, he showed me its pearly, iridescent pale-pink flesh and said, “You don’t always see it this color. Sometimes the meat’s a little grayer.” On the other hand, mahi-mahi is “a very stupid fish. You catch one and you leave him in the water and all the others’ll follow and you can catch ‘em all. Not very smart. Good eating, though.”

Sorry, Tuna Casserole, but I don’t think you’ve done a very good job of proving your point. So there.

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Entry Filed under: Research