Top Seven Things I Hate About Top Ten Lists
Monkey see, monkey do. That is the modern internet for you, and this monkey, I saw me some stuff about how top ten lists are a good idea.
So I thought, “I know, I’ll set one up”, because it seems to make sense. I mean, a list seems to have much more meat than a normal article. “500 words on web design” doesn’t sound like you will get much useful out of it, and likely you will only get one thing. But a top ten list promises ten Earth Shatterring insights that will change the world as you know it.
The fact the list is inevitably an easy way out, carrying far less weight or thought than a normal article and in a format that doesn’t demand good;y grammar isn’t important. It feels like it will be more information, and truthiness dictates that, if it feels right, it is right.
So without further ado, I unleash the isos top seven things I hate about top ten lists.
- They always claim to be able to give you some invaluable insight, yet they follow the most hackneyed format there is. As if I am going to take the advice of someone whose best ideas can only be expressed in point form whilst numbering no more, and certainly no less than, ten.
- They are usually written in an attempt to get more notice, because as titles they promise so much. Unfortunately, most people rarely have more than one nugget of wisdom to share, and stretching that nugget out usually dilutes any quality the article would otherwise have had.
- I resort to them so often when my deep well shallow puddle of ideas runs dry.
- Ten is a really hard number to reach. I am only at three four, and already I am struggling, despite really, really hating top ten lists.
- The world is being torn apart by extremists, and top ten lists are just so divisive. “Top ten things I love about…” and “Top ten things I hate about…” are the only lists that get airplay. Until moderates start receiving equal reading time, and “Top ten things I am ambivilent about…” lists are as common as hate and love lists, the top ten world will be run by extremists and the expense of decent folk everywhere.
- They cause anxiety and lead to hard drugs. “My god, I only have 9. A top nine list? Is that allowed? Can I pull that off? No one will go for it, no one. I am a failure, I am a loser, I need a beer. F$#$ it, Heroin will get me there faster…”
- They force lame arses that can’t think of ten things to resort, at the last moment, to using a list of 7, the only other mystical number under 101, or risk having nothing to show for all the time that one spent trying to think of that extra thing or two.
Add comment August 16th, 2006
