August SEO Horrorscopes
Aries
Do not be afraid to give yourself permission to enjoy, for the road to ranking Nirvana is not the path of disenchanted disinterest. For the flower of the inner child is but a reflection of all that sounds purple.
Taurus
With mercury rising this month, your reciprocal linking prospects look dim. Fear not, because link partners made in haste often fail to live up to their promise as the seasons change. A new month will bring fresh changes, with a chance encounter early in September turning things around. Avoid cheese.
Gemini
Unlike the man from Nantucket, whose dick was so big it ended up on a pr0n site, you should not follow the path unto affiliate pr0n traffic, for the lunar cycle of August bodes not well for such endeavours. Instead, channel your energies through the chakra into sites of white purity. Avoid the letter F.
Cancer
It is not for you the way of spam. Black may be slimming, but the effects of black hat SEO on dietary supplement sites is not a combination you should pursue. You lucky numbers will remain 22 and 18, while your lucky colour is Turquoise.
Leo
Ideas just flow from you. The stars want you to make sure that those good intentions bear fruit, so apply all that creativity and knowledge and get something down online. Call in a friend to review your work only if that friend has a water sign. Avoid anything that contains honey.
Virgo
Consider buying that domain you have long had your eye on but where not sure was a wise investment, as August brings new life to old ideas that you had thought discredited. Also consider splurging on non-essentials, as in August you will reap thrice what you squander.
Libra
Do you romanticise the web? You shouldn’t! For every domain that is bought three go left unloved, and it is for you time to do some loving. Consider domains with hyphens, as the ASCII for hyphen is 45, your lucky number for both August and late July.
Scorpio
Replace scepticism with curiosity and see what a difference it makes in your life. Look within yourself and find the answers to your ranking problems in your heart. Soon, you’ll be attracting the vibrant, creative and interesting people you’ve always longed to have in your web team. Let the colour Amber be your guide, and the traffic and ROI you desire will arrive when you are ready to accept it.
Sagittarius
Just when you thought things were calm and settled, surprises leap out at you from nowhere. While all this stimulation leaves you feeling a little on edge, your rankings will benefit from the increased traffic generated by all the surprises.
Capricorn
Some people need to ask permission — unconsciously or on forums — before they do anything. But, that impulse is totally foreign to your nature. Higher forces and a much different agenda drive you, and the stars are aligned for a breakthrough ranking on a second tier SE. Consider PPC only later in the month, as the forces of Mars negatively impact both your CTR and average CPC early.
Aquarius
Congratulations! Your PageRank will rise one notch. But the daily grind of research and doing will leave you without the calm and tranquillity you need to achieve maximum SEO effect. Take time to leave the house, breath fresh air and let the sun revitalise your Aura. A moment ain reflective pondering will produce more than it costs.
Pisces
Something smells fishy with your site. Black Hat, Black Hat, spam me a tale, cook up my site as fast as you can. Leave the daily grind of work far behind, and quit for the promised land of AdSense revenue. But not until after August 3rd, when the moon will affect your Chi. Your lucky animal is the Bilby.
2 comments July 25th, 2006
