Archive for February, 2006
After having watched on the sidelines as Danny Sullivan and Brett Tabke played “Whose stupid Blog idea is more cutting edge and Web 2.0″, isos have decided enough is enough. No more will we watch. No more will we sit by and see our brilliance forgotten in a sea of mediocrity!
isos clearly lead the world in Web 2.0-ishness, and we are sick to death of people claiming their awful ideas are Web 2.0 when they are, at best, Web 1.3.48.12, aka the “Sucker branch” of Web 1.X.Y.
I mean come on ppl. A CSS blog? Pffft! That is so Web 1.0.3.11. And a robots.txt blog? That is sooooooo Web 0.9.67.12 I can’t believe it! And lets get real for second, Web 0.9.67.12 was before they even agreed on how to spell “center” (I still can’t believe we lost that one. It’s the Queen’s English people, not Murcan’s English).
And these, these, these third rate ideas claiming to be Web 2.0, or as we here at isos call it, Web 2.0: The Second Coming Of The Great White, Pasty Faced Male Geek Hope At Being Rich Enough To Have a Supermodel Girlfriend.
I mean pulease! Where is the AJAX? JavaScript even. Where is it, huh? NOWHERE, that’s where. Where are the convoluted calls to XML for no real discernable reason? Nowhere. Those Blogs are so not Web 2.0 it isn’t funny.
But not the new isos Blog. Oh no. We sat down and thought this bugger out. We thought “how do we take the cutting edge, too cool for school, and certainly too cool for Web 2.0, industry leading programming talents and visionary sophistication that created such simplistically convoluted systems as the ground breaking Trapeziodal Linking Matriflux and produce a Blog that truly sets new industry standards in one upmanship that only other geeks would understand, appreciate and, yes we need it, validate as truly worthy?”
And then the solution struck us: JavaScript Alerts! They have become our trademark, in part because I am too lazy to do anything else, but also because, well, they just are, ok!
And let me tell you, they work. And the best bit is, they put YOU in control. Lil Joe Public, Torka Public even for the Y-chromosome bereft, have the ultimate power to choose to read or not read our brilliantly satirical on-topic hilarity. No more “I don’t know if I could be arsed reading that post. It sure doesn’t sound like it will be funny. And quite frankly the title makes it sound a little too obscure even for me.”
No, because now, with this revolutionary decision to move to AJAX (well, JavaScript actually, but don’t tellteh VCs), you can finally say to yourself “SIGH, isos has so jumped the Shark. They have fully sold out, the sellouts. I remember when they invented UPONG, and that Matriflux thingey. Good times. Now they just post long-winded rubbish that I can’t stand. $^^%$$# it, I am gonna go read Grey Hat News instead. At least when they aren’t funny, their posts are short”.
So, fair world, I tell thee, prepare for the dawning of the new era, as isos unveil: The Ultimate Web 2.0 Blogging Iterface Of All Time v 1.01.
February 8th, 2006
There are many prevalent myths that never seem to quite die out when it comes to search engine marketing. Although most of the seasoned industry experts are quick to debunk these theories, no one can remember quite how they started or how to stop them from infecting newbies.
Isos has uncovered an informant ( referred to as “Deep Scoot” for his own protection) who was employed by Alta Vista “back in the day” and has shared some disturbing information with us.
“Alta Vista liked to screw with webmaster’s heads” said Deep Scoot with a laugh. “I was in charge of the Office of Disinformation, and my job was to come up with believeable sounding bullsh1t and feed it to the public. I gotta say, I was really good at my job and I’ve never enjoyed a job more.”
When pushed for specifics, Deep Scoot pointed out one of his favorite “releases.”
“I gotta say, this one has lasted longer than any other myth I created,” Deep Scoot related, beaming with pride.
Back in the year 2000, there was an article on AltaVista describing how the keyword meta tag was rated by the search engine spider. The document mentioned that the words in the keyword meta tag has the same value as the other words on the web page itself, except for one very important case: if your meta keyword tag contains keywords that do not occur in your main web page, your page will be penalized. The document went on to say that your ranking may improve if you use both the title tag and relevant first few lines in your web page without any meta keyword tag.
~How to Improve Your AltaVista Search Engine Ranking
“I mean look at it, it’s pure genius! By putting it out there, then removing it we created reasonable doubt that we ever said it in the first place!” Deep Scoot chortled. “We created a paranoia surrounding meta keywords that lasts to this day! Use ‘em, get better results or penalized, don’t use ‘em and be safe but miss out on a real SEO advantage. It’s a paradox that still troubles newbies to this day… and that was over 6 years ago!!”
That’s only the tip of the iceburg when it comes to the smoke and mirrors that was Alta Vista… and a legacy of confusion and conspiracy theories.
We asked industry guru Matt Cutts of Google about the idea that a search engine would deliberately leak incorrect information, but his secretary said he was “in a meeting” and couldn’t come to the phone. (Just to set the record straight, we heard him in the background saying “Hey, watch what happens when I do this!” followed by gales of maniacal laughter… )
Next article… more common myths traced to the Office of Disinformation at Alta Vista. Stay tuned…
February 6th, 2006
In response to the series of articles and interviews currently circulating where certain industry regulars are making claims and refuting claims of who called Jill Whalen a bitch, and when, we decided to set the record straight.
While Jill’s daughter Corie claims she was the first to call her mother a bitch, we have proof that it happened much earlier, although Corie’s claim has some merit.
Quoted Corie,” Well, I was like, ‘Mom, will you get me a car?’ and she was like, ‘No’ and I was like, ‘Bitch.’”
This exchange is noted to have happened in early 2004. While it certainly adds to the evidence, it is by no means the first time.
We have unearthed a written copy of the first time Jill Whalen was, in fact, known to have been called a “bitch”.
Jill Whalen is a Bitch- November 3, 1980
This archival quality document was secured from a person named “Tiffany” who prefers not to give her real name, but says she always wished her name was Tiffany, just like the teen singing sensation who later posed for Playboy .
Irrefutable proof.
February 3rd, 2006
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