You are the 1st person to read this article. And we thank you, our only reader, for your love and warmth.
Google To Up The Ante In Fight To Destroy Mom & Pop Sites?
January 11th, 2006 by mike
After years of callously attempting to destroy Mom & Pop businesses by proxy with a series of updates that have forced many deserving, well thought out and otherwise viable businesses to go under, including the near annual November Updates nicknamed “Scrooge” (after Donald Duck’s uncle, Scrooge McDuck), Google are rumoured to be thinking of taking the battle to a whole new level.
“Google are planning on a series of attacks aimed at ridding the world of whinging, whining, complaining Mom & Pop site owners once and for all”, a fictional informant in my head, identifying himself as Joe Bob Smalltime, said.
He claims that Google is no longer satisfied with accidentally inflicting damage on small businesses, and they have hired a number of prominant ex-Mafia men to co-ordinate a wide scale assualt to destroy not just the businesses, but the physical property, and in some cases, even the physical vessel that transports a person’s soul until they “pass over”, of Mom & Pop site owners everywhere. These attacks are rumoured to include ram raids, arson attempts and even, for particularly resilient businesses, knee capping, assualts and possibly assinations, I deduced from the fictional informant’s rants.
“No one will be safe”, the voice in my head continued, unabated. “Not just from the wanton destruction of the very fabric of our free society that Google plan to unleash, but from their monopolistic SE as well. Google need regulating, and now.”
When asked why Google are making Mom & Pop businesses suffer, and in such pointed and horrible way, the now hysterical voice in my head screamed “It’s all about the MONEY!! Small businesses don’t buy AdWords, Man… That is why they must DIE!”
But it isn’t all doom and gloom for Mom or, indeed, Pop. New research conducted by the Mom & Pop industry group, the Businesses, Organasations and Orgs Who Hate Others Orders (Boowhoo) editor’s note: yes, it did take me an hour to think that acronym up, thanx for wondering, said that there are plenty of things businesses can do to avoid sufferring at the callous hands of the Rogue SE, officially proclaimed as part of Boowhoo’s Business World Axis Of Evil.
Boowhoo representative Julie “Stay at home Mom” Spilane told isos, “Well, there really is plenty that Mom & Pop can do to stay under the Google Hit Squad Radar. For starters, they can remove their physical address from their websites, use phone numbers that aren’t connected to their home address, get a Post Office box, use private registrar data, ensure sites are hosted by different companies on different C-Blocks… Lots of things.”
When quized about whether this story was merely an over exageration created by me to make a point I am not sure is even funny, and that a solid Marketing Plan is a far saner bet in preventing Google changes adversely affecting businesses, Joe Bob Smalltime answered, “Who needs a stinking Marketing Plan when we can belly ache about things and throw out hot air about suing Google? Marketing Plan. Sheesh! You isos guys, you kill me!”
Entry Filed under: Mike's Ramblings, Rumours
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed