For too long, people have struggled to get links. The difficulty of creating content, seeking out partners and generally building content and neat ideas is becoming too much.
So what do you do? Who do you turn to?
Isos, that’s who!
In a collaboration with Beelzebub inc, Isos have created a link building system designed to get YOU the links YOU need.
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| Beelzebub inc CEO Lucifer |
At the launch, Beelzebub Inc CEO, Lucifer, had this to say:
“Selling your soul for links has never been easier than with the Isos and Beelzebub Inc Soul Sellin’ Link Bonanza (SSLB) program. For the bargain price of an eternity in hell, Isos and Beelzebub Inc are offering ten (10) PageRank8 links, one hundred (100) PageRank7 links, and one thousand (1,000) PageRank6 links. All on authority sites, all on separate IP C blocks, and all driving profitable traffic that will help you live better in this life, never mind the next.
“Forget link bait. Forget competitions. Forget buying, trading or begging for links. With one simple transaction and an eternity of warmer-than-average weather, you can have success in this world NOW.”
As souls are a one-sale item, the price will unfortunately be fixed. However, Isos and Beelzebub Inc are also offerring a second, less effective package, referred to as the Purgatory Soul Grabbin’ Gamble (PSGG). This package offers no particular or specific number of links, but comes with the potential to avoid eternal damnation, and instead end up in the balmy nowhereness of Purgatory.
“We must of course stress”, Lucifer said. “That the PSGG comes with absolutely no-guarantees, of either success or links, and any results will truly be variable at best, with no expected ROI. Still, you have a chance to avoid eternal damnation, so it isn’t all downside, and for those that care about their immortal souls more than they care about their wealth on Earth, this is a great introductory package. Upgrading, at anytime will, of course, be possible, although downgrades will not be available.”
For more information on this incredible, bargain basement program, please Click Here.
January 27th, 2006
1. serperated - Waking up and finding that you have been seperated from a good spot on a SERP.
2. slinkage - trying to sneak in a link clandenstinely.
3. submiceleration- submitting the same page to the search engines over and over, hoping it will raise the pages’ rankings
4. forumortalised - Writing a foum post that everyone remembers and points to.
5. guruesome - Someone who thinks they are a guru, but really are a gruesome, detestable human being.
6. IBLTINRAIFASIPCB - In Bound Link That Is Not Reciprocal And Is From A Seperate IP C Block.
7. NoSense - A person that hopes to make money without trying, most likely using AdSense.
8. FactSEOid - An SEO belief held to be true, irrespective of evidence or a definition.
9. SEMYTH (pronounced s-ah-myth) - an SEM myth perpetuated via Chinese Wispers.
10. Linkfuscate - to hide a link and hope that it counts for Link pop.
11. Great White Sandbox Hope - A mythical strategy that is claimed when put into practice, to help a site avoid the Sandbox, and therefore make Brazillians of dollars and enable the dreamer to buy a Ferrari, date a super model and generally have the life they deep down know they are destined never to lead, especially not whilst they live with mum and dad.
12. Raiders of the Lost Blog - People that use blog submitting software targeted to abandoned blogs
January 26th, 2006
Yahoo, having finally accepted that they are second best, are rumoured to be just a minor clause away from officially announcing they have secured the services of Buzz “Major Tom” Aldrin as their spokesmen for the next five years.
“As a second best organisation, we feel that the second man on the moon fits nicely with our corporate goals and ideals. Second, right after first. Right after, nothing inbetween. We feel Buzz, as an eternal symbol of all that is not quite memorable or the best, is ideal for promoting the Yahoo Search Brand, and its almost the best motto, to the world.”
The length of the deal seemd long, but Yahoo representatives said that they “planned to be just as second rate” in five years time.
“There really is no danger of us improving or moving up”, isos were told, “We are happy with second. Second, right after first. Did we mention that? Anyway, given all that, we thought why not make a real statement about how second besty we are, by securing Buzz to a long term deal. And we couldn’t be more pleased with how things have gone.”
Buzz wasn’t available for comment, but a representatative said he was “Buzzed” at the opportunity to represent a company that was so closely aligned with his own philosophy and goals. “Buzz is glad that his second on the mooniness finally has secured him a deal Neil Armstrong can only dream of”.
January 25th, 2006
