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“Keep The Geeks Off The Streets” Pro-Spammer Movement Starts

November 21st, 2005 by mike

The Internet is full of sub-cultures. Litterally riddled with the blighters. From the “All Your Base Are Belong To Us”ers to the weird, freaked out, religious debaters, the internet is home to many a loony, most of whom are out of tune.

Today, a movement has started to isolate one of these sub-cultures. The “Keep The Geeks Off The Streets” movement is aiming to keep geeks from places that “regular” people frequent. Places like bars, pubs, shops, cafes, the streets and generally anywhere that is outside the Geek’s John and bedroom.

Leader of the movement, trendy_sexy_joan (profile at just about every major dating site), said that geeks were ruining the world.

“They just don’t know their place”, trendy_sexy_joan said. “It used to be safe to go out and have a few drinks without meeting a geek, but nowadays, with the proliferation of well paid Geek jobs, the little creeps are everywhere.”

The controversial group, in its efforts to achieve its goals, is being funded by a group of off-shore bulk email delivery types (email spammers for the lay person) as well as noted Black hat spammres, and is openly endorsing Spamming in all guises.

“The problem is”, trendy_sexy_joan continued, “that although spamming is not a good thing, the fact remains that these spammers are the only ones that care enough to actually help Geeks.

“Take penis enlargement. So many geeks are men who suffer from ‘micropenis’. This not only hurts the men, who suffer insults and knock backs, but forces women to endure endless nights of lame sex. The only place these poor men can get help is from the caring spammers, and their many PPC (Pills, Pumps and Concoctions) solutions. If spammers help just one man, it is all worth it.

“In any case, while that is the longer term goal of the ‘Keep The Geeks Off The Streets’ movement (pun 1), and while we would like to irradicate this insidous disease, in the ’short’ term (pun2), in order to Keep The Geeks Off The Streets, the only solution is pr0n. Hot MILF action, babes that like it all night long and other pr0n staples must get through if we are to stand a chance of keeping geeks at home and occupied.”

Geeks also apparently need a personality transplant, according to trendy_sexy_joan. “The Unix command line, Sci Fi, WiFi and any other Fi’s just aren’t sexy, and certainly not a topic that demands 3 hours worth of discussion. That is why spammers send all those ‘Become a Pick Up Artist in 20 days’ emails: so geeks learn how to communicate about something other than boring tech. Oh sure, they make a bit of profit, but they really do it for the good of all society.”

And it doesn’t just stop with getting geeks a Geek Makeover and Personality Transplant, as the the group even has longer term goals. “Even longer term, should these geeks actually get a personality, an improved member and, finally, some action, you know they will almost certainly need cheap Viagra to make sure it isn’t ‘all over before it begins’. And who else is providing such a community minded service except for email spammers?”

Given all this evidence, trendy_sexy_joan asks “…who can deny the need for spammers? They keep our pubs and clubs Geek free, they solve medical problems that cause untold unpleasure, and even prolong pleasure. Who wants to live in a world of boring sex, of 3 hours of the Unix command line and boring Linux vs FreeBSD religious debates? If, like me, that sounds like a living hell, the Keep The Geeks Off The Streets Movement needs your support

“So friends, readers, Internet users, lend me your inboxes. I ask you not if spamming is ok, but if we can afford to take the risk of not having spam. Never before have so many gained so much from the emails of so few.

“O wonder!
“How many goodly creatures are there here!
“How beautious mankind is!
“O brave new world,
“That has such people interesting, pleasured and pleasureable people in it!”

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Entry Filed under: Mike's Ramblings