The Internet is full of sub-cultures. Litterally riddled with the blighters. From the “All Your Base Are Belong To Us”ers to the weird, freaked out, religious debaters, the internet is home to many a loony, most of whom are out of tune.
Today, a movement has started to isolate one of these sub-cultures. The “Keep The Geeks Off The Streets” movement is aiming to keep geeks from places that “regular” people frequent. Places like bars, pubs, shops, cafes, the streets and generally anywhere that is outside the Geek’s John and bedroom.
Leader of the movement, trendy_sexy_joan (profile at just about every major dating site), said that geeks were ruining the world.
“They just don’t know their place”, trendy_sexy_joan said. “It used to be safe to go out and have a few drinks without meeting a geek, but nowadays, with the proliferation of well paid Geek jobs, the little creeps are everywhere.”
The controversial group, in its efforts to achieve its goals, is being funded by a group of off-shore bulk email delivery types (email spammers for the lay person) as well as noted Black hat spammres, and is openly endorsing Spamming in all guises.
“The problem is”, trendy_sexy_joan continued, “that although spamming is not a good thing, the fact remains that these spammers are the only ones that care enough to actually help Geeks.
“Take penis enlargement. So many geeks are men who suffer from ‘micropenis’. This not only hurts the men, who suffer insults and knock backs, but forces women to endure endless nights of lame sex. The only place these poor men can get help is from the caring spammers, and their many PPC (Pills, Pumps and Concoctions) solutions. If spammers help just one man, it is all worth it.
“In any case, while that is the longer term goal of the ‘Keep The Geeks Off The Streets’ movement (pun 1), and while we would like to irradicate this insidous disease, in the ’short’ term (pun2), in order to Keep The Geeks Off The Streets, the only solution is pr0n. Hot MILF action, babes that like it all night long and other pr0n staples must get through if we are to stand a chance of keeping geeks at home and occupied.”
Geeks also apparently need a personality transplant, according to trendy_sexy_joan. “The Unix command line, Sci Fi, WiFi and any other Fi’s just aren’t sexy, and certainly not a topic that demands 3 hours worth of discussion. That is why spammers send all those ‘Become a Pick Up Artist in 20 days’ emails: so geeks learn how to communicate about something other than boring tech. Oh sure, they make a bit of profit, but they really do it for the good of all society.”
And it doesn’t just stop with getting geeks a Geek Makeover and Personality Transplant, as the the group even has longer term goals. “Even longer term, should these geeks actually get a personality, an improved member and, finally, some action, you know they will almost certainly need cheap Viagra to make sure it isn’t ‘all over before it begins’. And who else is providing such a community minded service except for email spammers?”
Given all this evidence, trendy_sexy_joan asks “…who can deny the need for spammers? They keep our pubs and clubs Geek free, they solve medical problems that cause untold unpleasure, and even prolong pleasure. Who wants to live in a world of boring sex, of 3 hours of the Unix command line and boring Linux vs FreeBSD religious debates? If, like me, that sounds like a living hell, the Keep The Geeks Off The Streets Movement needs your support
“So friends, readers, Internet users, lend me your inboxes. I ask you not if spamming is ok, but if we can afford to take the risk of not having spam. Never before have so many gained so much from the emails of so few.
“O wonder!
“How many goodly creatures are there here!
“How beautious mankind is!
“O brave new world,
“That has such people interesting, pleasured and pleasureable people in it!”
November 21st, 2005
Here @ isos, we have never seen a bandwagon we didn’t want to jump on. From VoIP to Google and Mozilla, isos leads the way in following the crowd, and isos have been early adopters of so many terms, products and theories it is hard to keep track.
Sometimes, this bandwagon jumping is caused by a deep-seated sense of an idea / term / product’s potential. But more often than not, let’s be frank, it is usually just because we are a bunch of tossers that like to sound smarter, hipper, funkier, sexier and younger than we are and are morbidly frightened of being left behind by younger, smarter, hipper, funkier and sexier people. But, like, whatever dude!
Of course, every silver lining has a cloud, and the downside of our early adopting ways is that we have been burnt. And burnt badly. For every Google that we hype and end up looking smart over, we have been hit by a Boo.com that really stung us. And that one continues to rankle to this very day.
Which brings us full circle to Web 2.0. As part of our deluded psychosis, we recently discussed renaming ourselves isos web 2.0: In Search of the Long Blogosphere Tail With Podcasting, VoIP Underpinnings. We thought “Web 2.0; I like it. Lets get on board FAST and put it in our name so we look super cool and hip and everyone thinks we are trendsetters and sooo happening”.
But then we started having doubts.
Grave doubts.
Was Web 2.0 really worth the hype? Should we really adopt it as part of our name? Was Web 2.0 really that good? Heck, what IS web 2.0?
Well, isos have decided that Web 2.0, as a buzzword, is no good. There are many reasons why we came to the conclusion that Web 2.0 sucks, chief amongst them:
- It is a point 0 release
If I learnt nothing from my IT degree (and it was a close run thing), I learnt that point 0 releases are notoriously problematic. “Wait for at least the next release” I was told again and again. “Point 0 releases suck, are unstable and buggy.”
Web 2.0, as a poorly conceived point 0 release, is bound to have major issues. As such, isos are advising everyone to be wary of Web 2.0 until the first stable release. We are not sure whether that will be Web 2.0.X or whether, following the Linux lead, we will need to wait a whole generation for the next even numbered minor version release. Our guess is that a lot of the issues with the moniker Web 2.0 will be worked out in due course, and that people should really hold out for Web 2.2 or even Web 2.4 before getting all hot and worked up and using it in like meetings and stuff. Which brings us to:
- Web 2.0 Has Zero Consulting Cool
Try saying “Web 2.0″ in a meeting and see how far it gets you. I can almost guarantee that no one will mumble “Web 2.0… yeh, Web 2.0. We need to think about Web 2.0. It is vital we are ahead of the Web 2.0 curve. Web 2.0 is everything.”
Quite frankly, until Web 2.0 makes it into Meeting Bingo, isos can’t promote the term to fellow buzzword toting, no original idea thinking tossers anywhere. For the time being, isos advise sticking with old faithfuls like “synergy”, “ROI”, “Core Demographics” and “value-added” in big meetings.
We at isos have some confidence in Web 2.2’s potential in meetings but, realistically, a full generational change, and the emergence of Web 3.0 is probably required before consultants everywhere have a new BS term to add to their already well stocked BS Vocabulary.
- Web 2.0 just seems to be about stupid names
“Shoposphere“. I repeat: shoposphere. What next, loveosphere, the dating site? Or maybe loanosphere the mortgage broker and petfoodosphere the organic pet food people. Enough already with the bad names and the “osheres”. If that is the best web 2.0 has to offer, well, innovation truly is dead, and Web 3.0 is our only hope.
- All Those Supporting Web 2.0 Are Geeks Who Seemed To Miss the Web 1.0 Gold Rush And Want A Second Chance At The Fools And Their Easily Parted Money
So the closest you got to the dotcom bubble was saying to a friend “I am going to go to the Valley and join a start up”. So you don’t drive a fast car, have a girlfriend that is stunning or, well, a girlfriend at all. All because you missed out on your God given right to sell snake oil to the unsuspecting populace. What are you to do?
Why I know, some geek thought, lets peddle out the same Number 2.0s from first time around, call it Web 2.0, and see if we can convince people the good times are back. After all, who thinks the new generation can’t squander millions on Ping-Pong tables and “massages” just as effectively as those of yore?
And hey, if it doesn’t work, why not just release Web 3.0 and see how that goes? There are an infinite number of numbers, and surely by Web 9999.0 fame, fortune a nice car and a breathing, non-virtual girlfriend will again be the Geek’s divine destiny.
Dream on!
So, in isos opinion, if it sounds like a number 2.0, it looks like a number 2.0, and tastes.. no scratch that last one, if it smells like a number 2.0, it probably is a load of number 2.0s, and Web 2.0, well, it really is a load of crap!
November 20th, 2005
Australia last night beat Uruguay 1-0, to level the two leg Word Cup Qualifier at 1-1 on aggregate, before winning the penalty shoot out 4-2. Telstra Stadium and 83,000 people was pretty damn amazing. This result will likely precipitate a visit to Deutschland for moi next Northern summer.
Nothing to do with isos normal topics of discussion, but too bad. It is my blog, if you don’t like it, don’t read it 
November 17th, 2005
