In Search Of Stuff

ISoS Exclusive: Interview With Search Industry Insider

October 14th, 2005 by mike

At ISoS, we are nothing if not Badwagon jumpers. Seemed like SEO blogs are big, we thought, so we got one. Keyword research looks big, so we built a tool. Linking strategies are huge, so we created one. We even wrote two eBooks after we learnt what they were, and are even thinking of renaming the blog ISoS Web 2.0: In Search of the Long Tail.

Recently, we found ourselves falling behind. We had noticed a small trend, a micro trend if you will, emanating from our insidious and evil Blog competition. That trend was Interviews with people involved in search. A veritable spate of the blighters keep pounding my RSS reader with frightening consistency.

Never above stealing quality ideas when we see them, nor for being terribly frightened of being left behind, ISoS set about ripping this idea off. Our search for someone to interview thus begun.

First, we thought “lets get someone who knows stuff and people respect, like Matt Cutts”. Alas, he refused to return our pleading emails (something about the colour coding not matching or some bunkum). Anyway, turns out the traitor spoke to Aaron Wall instead. His loss.

Then we thought, no worries, lets go to the competition: Yahoo. Our emails bounced.

No worries. There is always Ask Jeeves. No love. Our emails got through this time, but they just wouldn’t talk to us.

Even MSN, so very desperate to promote their new crawler, and to keep Bill from having to talk about Google again, even MSN gave us the cold shoulder.

Hell, we got so desperate we even considered LookSmart. LookSmart. After picking oursleves up from a laughing fit on the floor, we dusted ourselves off and finally thought we had a lead. We received an email from a guy who claimed to have a mate who was the Janitor at the Googleplex. Alas, it all turned out to be a cruel Hoax.

Then we had what recovering addicts refer to as a moment of clarity: lets interview the one person no one has yet dared interiew: Joe Searcher. IN YOUR FACES SEO bloggers!!!! Try topping THAT. You can take your Matt Cutts-es and your Sergey Brins-es and choke on ‘em. We got the real deal right here folks!!

ISoS: Welcome Joe, and thanx for giving ISoS your time. Can you give our readers a bit of background?

Joe: Sure. I work locally, I have two kids, I am in my “late thirties’ and I like Sport. Here is a picture of me: (Editor’s Note: Face does not really look like this).

How often do you use the Internet and Search engines?

Well, I use the Internet and Google stuff just about every day at work.

Excellent, that pretty much makes you an average Search engine user. In fact, it may over qualify you! So what search engine do you use, Joe, and what do you like to search for?

Well, I like Google. It’s pretty cool, as I can find free porn without trying too hard at all. And after that nastiness a few months back, I now know to never click an email. When I see a product I want to try these days, I Google it instead. These patches don’t seem to be working though… um… by the way, who is going to be reading this interview? My wife won’t see it, will she? Or the guys at the office…

No, it will be totally anonymous.

Cool. I also like to find stories about stuff I like, like sports and stuff. By the way, did you know if you Google [failure] and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky” that you end up at President Bush’s site? That made us all laugh at the office. Except for Max. He thought it was a disgrace. But then Max is always upset at stuff like that.

Speaking of Google Bombs and porn, there has been a lot of talk recently about Search Engine Spam. What are your feelings about spam on Search Engines?

I like spam. When my wife is out of town, I fry it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She doesn’t like canned meats. She likes canned tuna though, so go figure. I don’t search for it spam. I usually just buy it at the grocery store. Why, are there good deals for spam online?

Um… Sometimes. So how do you feel about paid ads on search engines?

There are paid ads on search engines?

Yes. The ones on the rigth and in Blue at the top labelled “Sponsored”. You never noticed them before?

OH THOSE - I get those popping up all the time, not just on search engines. They are paid you say? Who knew? They are alright I guess. A bit annoying.

What are your thoughts on SEO?

Is that that new football league where the has beens go? I’m all for more sports. Anything that reduces the percentage of home improvement shows on air is great in my book.

Do you use any search engines besides Google?

There are other search engines? Oh, right, of course, you mean AOL… my mom has AOL, and I use that when I am there.

Don’t you live with her now though?

Look, I’m just helping her out for a while is all. She doesn’t get around like she used to, OK? And besides, when my wife gets over that whole finding-porn-on-the-computer thing, I’ll be going go back home. Hey, now that I think about it, it’s Google’s fault I got kicked out. Damn that Google! If they didn’t make it so easy to find that stuff, my wife would have never caught me looking at porn, and she wouldn’t have found those pictures of me and my girlfriend out on the boat either! Damn Google Desktop!

Apart from ruining your marriage, what else has Google done for you?

Well, it helped me to find Kitty (my girlfriend) but it also helped Kitty find some other guy, so I guess isn’t all beer and skittles.

Do you usually find what you are looking for?

Mostly. Sometimes I get upset because they don’t have what I want. Like the other day. I was looking for [Lawyers that make wives get nothing], and I just couldn’t find one. No [nasty vengeful lawyers] either. Not even a [psycho, hates to lose lawyer]… nothing! I was very annoyed, and the end I just had to settle for a [cheap divorce lawyer]. I was gutted…

Anything else frustrate you about Search Engines?

Actually, yeh. The lack of the right information. Like the other day when I was looking for information about inheritance laws. Like under what circumstances a son doesn’t inherit his mother’s house. You know, fire, burglary, murder, that kinda stuff…. Cause mum is like sick. Yeh, right, she is sick. Um… anyway, I got all these sites aweful government sites and boring college professor pages, but none of them had the information I wanted.

We’ve been on a real journey here, Joe. One of hurt, of healing, of new love found, of old love lost and, in end, new love lost as well. Any final thoughts for us on search?

Yeah - put the car keys in the same place all the time, and you don’t have to search as much. (That’s what mom says every morning.) And I just learned about that “clear history” thing - they should tell more people about that.. it could like save your marriage and your job, dude…

Joe, Thank you for your time.

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Entry Filed under: Joint Ramblings, Interviews