Archive for October 14th, 2005
It has come to the attention of the ISoS editors that, in our previous post, Yahoo Announce Doctor Of Their Own (and ISoS use humour to disguse a serious message), a hidden message attempting to educate people about Prostate Cancer was slipped in.
Whilst this post met or exceeded the extraordinarily high standard of on-topic, relevant hillarity and satire that you have come to expect from ISoS, the message was an unfortunate occurance that ISoS deeply regret.
ISoS wishes to appologise abolutely, whole heartedly and without reservation for this attempt to both make a serious point and to educate our readership. It was uncalled for, unjustified and, quite frankly, outlandish.
We accept that, for a blog that usually produces works of pure fiction and conducts made up research, real statistics and a message was over stepping the mark by a wide margin, and was simply too much for many viewers.
We accept we aren’t a serious Blog like all those Google Blogs and Search Engine Watch. We really do. We further accept that we should not attempt to be, and we will no longer attempt to compete with “serious” blogs, on any level.
We fully understand and concur with the furore that this editorial decision to accept an article with real statistics and a message has caused. To make ammends, we hearby, in public, promise never to do it again, except in such circumstances that the real stats are funny or come in an inherently humorous radar graph format.
In future, ISoS promise to maintain an editorial standard that dictates all entries contain no educational messages, hidden or otherwise, and any statistics, figures or facts quoted will be 100% made up, and purely the fictional product of either Michael or Scottie’s mind.
Our focus remains, as always, to provide you with the laugh you have demanded, and we are dedicated to forging ahead and creating the sort of outstanding tools Bored Marketers demand, such as our recently released and highly amusing Search tool.
We further promise to never again use Google for ill, like searching for legitimate information that informs, but only to find humourous pictures, graphs, equations or people to make fun of.
Of this you have our word.
Our most humble and sincere appologies,
The Whole Frickin’ ISoS Team
October 14th, 2005
In the “Monkey see, Monkey do” world of Search engines, always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride Yahoo have announced that, hot on the heels of the announcement of Google Tooth, Yahoo have employed their own on-site doctor.
“It was so hard seeing even more free publicity go the way of Google”, a Yahoo mole told ISoS. “We just had to one up them (editor’s note: pun FULLY intended)”.
And the new doctor? We think the logo says it all:
When quizzed as to why, given all the doctors in the world they could have hired, they hired this particularly unsavoury type, the Yahoo Mole responded:
“Look, no one gives any love, especially not free, positive PR love. But everyone just lurves Google. They are so Kitsch and 21st century. We knew that, to have a chance of getting any publicity, we had to do something extreme. And lets get real: Doctors don’t come much more extreme that this!
“Besides”, the Mole ranted on. “Prostate cancer is a silent killer. Did you know that “…a man is 33% more likely to develop prostate cancer than an American woman is to get breast cancer”? I bet you didn’t!
“But cause breasts are all like sexy and stuff, but prostates are ever so icky, Prostate cancer doesn’t get the publicity that Breast cancer does. As an employer of many men in the danger ages, we felt that this would make a serious statement about a Men’s Health, and get us some PR and love that Google always gets.”
ISoS considered approaching Ask and MSN to see what their hoax doctor was going to be, but we were, quite frankly, too scared. Topping a Proctolgist is a real challenge, and if any one actually pulled it off, EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!
(Editor’s Note: Edu-tainment, does humour get any better?)
October 14th, 2005
In a response to the bandwagon that is MC - Hammer’s - Visit - to - Google, and lunch, ISoS are proud to announce that, far from getting on no bandwagon, we are breaking a celebrity visit story of our own.
Yes, that is right, Google’s biggest rival and current Google shareholder, Yahoo, have organised a secret celebrity visit of their own, and trumped Google in the process. Yahoo have managed to get the biggest 90’s has-been of all: Robert Van Winkle, aka the 90’s Eminem, Vanilla Ice (Ice baby).
A Yahoo spokesperson, speaking exclusively to ISoS with a promise of Anonymity (cause their parents were so mean. I mean really, if you last name is Pipe, naming your kid Dwayne is just cruel) said:
“Can’t Touch this? Can’t touch this? Yahoo see your MC Hammer, and raise you a Vanilla Ice. Touch that Google. Let’s see what you can do now that Hammer Time has been surpassed, oh you of the Do No Evil.”
Not to be out done by their bigger rivals, Ask Jeeves, in a “Kill two birds with one stone” PR move, invited (somewhat) famous actor Daniel Davis, who played Niles, the Butler from TV’s imminently forgettable The Nanny, for a suprise visit.
An Ask Jeeves representative said to ISoS in a Universal Exclusive™: “What, with all the fuss over us killing off of that annoying Butler and all, and the threats of legal action from the Butler Union Members, inviting Daniel Davis effectively created a good Butler news story, whilst also responding in kind to the growing need for a 90’s has-been visit to compete in the Modern Search game. We are really happy with Niles from The Nanny’s visit, and we feel it achieved all the goals we set for it, in terms of KPIs, if not surpassed them.”
Indeed it has, with Yahoo and Google said to be left fuming over what they see as really scraping the bottom of an already well scraped and shallow has-been barrel.
Amidst this frenzy of has-been activity, one SE has remained terribly quiet: MSN. ISoS sources within Redmond spoke of this latest Search Wars development, and confided that, far from being left behind yet again in the search stakes, Bill Gates has made finding a celebrity has-been to visit his number one quarter 3 goal. Gates was also heard to remark that they had really dropped the ball on this one (as well), but that that MSN had “someone big in mind” for their has-been visit, and that this has-been would not merely be a case of playing catch up, but actually a massive advancement in has-been visits.
ISoS haven’t been able to confirm who this “someone big” is, but when we were told “I pity the fool search engine that invites MC Hammer”, ISoS felt that was a pretty big clue.
That said, our MSN deep throat was also heard to say “By the power of Redmond, what you talking about, IIISSooooSSSS. Has-been visits?? Homey don’t play that. I ain’t organisin’ no damn has-been visit, FOOL!
“Say What? Google Are doing it? You’re in BIG TROUBLE, Mister! MSNBots, Transform and rollout and… COOME OOONNNN DOOOWWWWN!!! Resistance is futile. Has-been visits are go. And who could the has-been vist be? Could it be…. Satan?’
So maybe he was just thinking out loud. Or is a complete and utter loser.
Only time will tell.
October 14th, 2005
Previous Posts
